Post Assassination Events

Meanwhile, back at Parkland Hospital, doctors were working furiously to save the Vicarian's life, thinking he was President Kennedy. The President, in fact, was aboard the Spaceship Lula Belle, watching the news on television.
At the moment the public was informed that "President Kennedy" had died, the real John F. Kennedy sighed, "I can never go back to Earth. With all the medical advancements you have, could you not have allowed me to get shot and then restore me to health?"
"No, Mr. President," Doctor McKay replied. "The human brain is the most complex object in the known universe. What's more, damaged brain tissue can never be restored. If you had been shot as the Vicarian was shot, and we had managed to keep you alive, you could never have the awareness to serve as President or even to tender your resignation. You—our President—would have no more mental capacity than—“ He paused. Collecting himself, Bonehead continued, “—than a Hollywood actor."
John F. Kennedy trembled at the thought.
* * *
Carlos "Mellow" Marcello was with several of his legitimate business associates when he heard about President Kennedy's supposed death. Remembering the bet he had made with Jimmy the geek, he said to one of his associates, "Tell Jimmy he owes me big!" Conspiracy buffs, taking that remark out of context, claim that remark was evidence that "Mellow" Marcello had ordered the President's murder on behalf of Jimmy Hoffa.
* * *
Seth Kantor, "a respected journalist and member of the Washington press corps," was covering the story that day. According to Kantor, Jack Ruby, an old acquaintance of his, greeted him at Parkland Hospital around 2:00 P.M. the day of the assassination.
Most conspiracy buffs believe that Ruby was there to plant the infamous "magic bullet" on Governor Connoly's stretcher. More likely, he was there to supervise Seth Kantor's efforts to do this. I'm still looking into that possibility.
* * *
The Kennedy entourage quickly located a bronze-tone shipping casket and rushed the Vicarian's body past Parkland's doctors to the Air Force One. Since a Presidential assassination, at that time, was not federal offense, they feared the sheriff would be along to stop them. After all, as the protesting doctors declared, it was a state crime, and the autopsy should be done in Dallas.
If Lyndon Johnson could possibly help it, no one would perform the autopsy until his cohorts could make some changes in the body. Any bullets entering from the front would have to be removed. All entry wounds coming from the direction of the grassy knoll would have to be changed to look like exit wounds.
Once the casket was aboard the Air Force One, it was bolted to the floor.
The ever-faithful Godfrey McHugh, determined never to leave the President's side until the autopsy began, stood vigil beside the coffin. Through a psychological process called confabulation, he completely forgot that he had been separated from the body on two crucial occasions.
Confabulation is a trick of memory that happens to all of us from time to time. Our "memories" may be flawed by versions of that event told by others, by events that had happened before or since, or by wishful thinking. Loyal as a bird dog, Godfrey McHugh needed to remember himself as never having left the President's body; therefore, that's how he remembered it.
Everyone else remembered having left the casket at various times. Unless there was a time when all of the Kennedy entourage left the casket at the same time, the body could not have been removed from the casket for secret alterations.
For that reason, we know beyond any doubt that Godfrey McHugh's "memories" of the event was a trick of confabulation.
The first crucial period, according to David S. Lifton, author of Best Evidence, was between 2:18 and 2:32. At that time, McHugh was in the forward part of the aircraft, and Mrs. Kennedy was in her bedroom aboard the aircraft.
Lyndon Johnson called the two remaining members of the entourage—Kenneth O'Donnell and Larry O'Brien—to his stateroom. For 14 minutes, during which Johnson repeatedly prevented the plane from taking off, the casket was unattended.
The Vicarian's body was placed in a large suitcase and wheeled past Johnson, O'Brien and O'Donnell to the forward galley and out of the plane through the galley door. A waiting helicopter whisked the body away to the Fort Worth Airport to be loaded aboard a jet. Minutes later, Johnson ordered the pilot to head for Washington.
The Air Force One followed a zig-zag route to Washington, which is a standard means of evading possible attack from the ground or from other aircraft. Because of this flight pattern, the Air Force One arrived in Washington much later than the jet carrying the Vicarian's body.
As it turned out, it wasn't necessary to alter the body, because no bullets had struck the Vicarian from any place other than the Dallas School Book Depository. They didn't know that, however, until after they had removed the Vicarian's brain.
After the Air Force One arrived at the U. S. Navy hospital in Bethesda, the conspirators had to go through a shell game to return the Vicarian's body to the casket that was unloaded from the Air Force One.
We have David S. Lifton to thank for ferreting out the details of how this was accomplished. They used a second casket, a decoy ambulance and a whole raft of other subterfuges. The driver of the decoy ambulance, which held the Vicarian's body, had to put the pedal to the metal to lose vehicles that had been assigned to accompany the real ambulance, which contained an empty coffin. In the chase, the real ambulance had to be---well, I won't ruin a perfectly interesting story by getting bogged down in details.
* * *
Lee Harvey Oswald was still subject to Dr. Spruthers's post-hypnotic suggestion that he could escape prosecution by claiming to be from the planet "Pat.” He repeatedly exclaimed, "I didn't kill nobody. I'm just a Patsy."
It didn't save Oswald from further trouble. In fact, the Dallas police officers didn't even let him finish watching his movie.
At seven o'clock on the night of the assassination, Oswald was paraded in front of dozens of newsmen. Jack Ruby, with a suspicious bulge under his coat, stood only a few feet from Oswald. Since he was holding a pad and pencil in his hands, most of those present thought he was a reporter. District Attorney Henry M. Wade introduced his prisoner as "Lee Henry Oswald.”
"Lee Harvey Oswald," Jack Ruby corrected. News reporters scratched the name Henry from their pads and wrote in Harvey.
In the course of the news conference, Wade said that Oswald was a member of the "Free Cuba Committee.” Ruby raised his pencil and corrected, "Fair Play for Cuba Committee.” Some reporters wondered how Ruby could have known that bit of information before it had time to be released to the public. Seeing the look of embarrassment on Wade's face, though, told them that Ruby was right again.
Seeing that Jack Ruby seemed to know more about Oswald and the Kennedy assassination than the District Attorney knew, the reporters then began directing their questions to Jack Ruby. Wade, Oswald and his guard Detective A. M. Eberhardt shrugged their shoulders and left the room. Oswald was heartbroken over the way Jack Ruby had upstaged him on the most important evening of his life. He knew that in two days he would be publicly escorted to a more secure jail. He hoped that Jack Ruby would not ruin that occasion for him, too.
Eberhardt escorted the dejected Oswald back to his cell.
* * *
Aboard the Spaceship Lula Belle, Captain Kook sighed, "Who could possibly have known? Virtually every assassination theory was, in its own way, the correct answer to the question of who killed President Kennedy."
"That's most affirmative, Captain," said Mr. Spook. "Assassination theorists have variously placed the gunman, or gunmen, at the grassy knoll, the school book depository, the Dal-Tex Building and on the street. They were all there. At the same time, since only Oswald's shots struck their target, Oswald was, as some have said, the lone gunman."
"Moreover," added Captain Kook, "there was a massive conspiracy to kill President Kennedy, involving the CIA, the FBI, military-industrial complex, the Mafia, Richard Nixon, Lyndon Johnson, Dr. Joy Spruthers, and even Shari Lewis' hand puppet Lambchops. In the end, they were all superfluous. Since Oswald alone fired the fatal shots, both the conspiracy and the cover-up were completely unnecessary. Other than lending encouragement to Oswald, the conspirators, for all practical purposes, did absolutely nothing to further the plot."
"There are four other assassination theories you haven’t mentioned," Dr. McKay chimed in. "According to one theory, President Kennedy survived his wounds, although he was rendered incapable of serving out his term as President. That's certainly true, since he didn't receive any wounds; and since he must remain here with us, he can no longer serve as President. According to another theory, a body double was killed in his place. One version of that theory is, he was saved by space aliens. Yet another theory suggests that Kennedy, for whatever reason, faked his own death with some help from Elvis Presley."
"Fascinating!" Mr. Spook exclaimed.
"Okay, I've seen enough," said Captain Kook. "Let's get the heck out of Dodge."
"Wait a minute," Kennedy protested. "A massive conspiracy involving key government figures has just removed me from the presidency. Even though I'm not really dead, from what you tell me, this is the most written about, most controversial crime in history. Aren't you going to do something to bring those people to justice?"
The crewmembers on the bridge of the Lula Belle looked surprised that former President Kennedy should ask that question. "No," they all replied.
"No? And why not?"
"We're from the twenty-secondth century," Mr. Spook replied. "Long before we were born, every one of the conspirators had died. If your religion is correct, they will have had already been punished by a Higher Court."
"Then why did you go to all this trouble, going back to the twentieth century to save my life?"
"We didn't," Captain Kook reminded Mr. Kennedy. "We came back here to see Elvis Presley. Saving your life was an afterthought." The former President was hurt by that remark. "Cheer up," Captain Kook smiled. "You'll love the future. We'll even make you an officer in our crew and teach you how to fly this crate. And if you ever get tired of all this, just remember that Elvis Presley promised that you could stay with him at Graceland."
After awhile, Kennedy began to look forward to his new life as an astronaut.
"Okay, gang," said Captain Kook to his crew, "we're not getting any younger. Let's make like Humpty-Dumpty and get crackin’. Mr. Dzau-le, chart a course for Ramma-lamma-ding-dong."
"Aye-aye, Captain," Mr. Dzau-le responded.
"Ensign Jackass, full speed ahead."
"Aye-aye, Captain," Ensign Jackass responded.
"Lieutenant O'Hara, fetch me a cup of coffee."
"Get it yourself, you male, chauvinist pig!"
"Sheesh! How I hate the late twentieth century! Mr. Spook!"
"Yes, Captain?"
"A little traveling music!"
"Aye-aye, Captain!" Mr. Spook flipped a switch. Instantly, the whole spaceship was flooded with the 1963 rock 'n' roll song, "The Martian Hop.” The Spaceship Lula Belle chugged, wheezed and coughed its way across the galaxy with her whole crew dancing to that venerable old song.